Ups and Downs...

Well I realized that I have not responded in a while. I wasn't sure what to make of this blog and I didn't want it to be this depressing sob story. However, I do realize that I need to continue to write to make myself feel better. I need to be honest. I must keep working at the healing process and sometimes it is so easy to forget the positive thoughts that were taking me through this journey. Just when I think I am doing great and "in the clear" BAM! I am right back at a low.
So for the highs.... I celebrated Jackie's "Big Night Out" which was a huge success! We lived in up in NYC! Such a great city with so much energy--the city that never sleeps, and we did just that--no sleeping! We had a make-up artist do our make-up, party in a swanky hotel on the lower east side, go out to a fabulous restaurants, bars and clubs and just let loose.  I was so happy for her and had a blast with all of her friends.

However, after the high.. comes a low.

I realized that I can be happy, but then I can be sad. It comes on quick and sometimes without warning. It is hard to pinpoint the sadness (Do I miss Oliver? Is it because I have empty arms? Is this hormones?) but I can realize what triggers it. The more I analyze these situations, the more I can protect myself and understand the patterns. Sleeping, having Andy by my side and  relaxing are simple yet very important things that I need to keep me going and staying strong. Family is also very important. I get a lot of strength simply by being around my family. I am able to cry and breakdown and not be judged by my irrational, depressing, sad thoughts.

However, after a low...come a high.